You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
