Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
