You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
