Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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