I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
