____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish I only lived at night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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