last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
