guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize