would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize