the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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