Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
