he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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