He told me they were just razor bumps!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
