they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You don't make any sense
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