I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
