The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have fence marks all over my body
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
