Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
