yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
