After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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