Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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