problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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