i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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