Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
