Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
