She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
