Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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