Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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