You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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