Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
