he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
