I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
