I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
