Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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