I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize