i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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