I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
