you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
