I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
