I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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