Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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