sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
