I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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