does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
