I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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