its not stalking. its research.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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