Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize