I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
