the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
