5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize