as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
