Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
