I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
