In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
