The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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