I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
