One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize