we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
