i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
