Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
