We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize