in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
