Betty ford says i'm here all night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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