remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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