I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
