Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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